BarkPost- "Are You Your Dog's Butler"

Excerpt:

Last week, we ventured to the land of DIY furniture with a simple goal in mind. To locate and secure a rather large, tasteful day bed for the guest room of our home. Once we had accomplished the day’s mission, I watched as my fiancé proceeded to slip a disc carrying the surprisingly heavy, disassembled, Swedish nightmare into the house. I left him alone, surrounded by what I can only assume were piles of driftwood, some errant screws, and what looked like an idiot proof pamphlet with somewhat degrading diagrams of what not to do.

I returned, 3 hours later, to find him, sweating and increasingly agitated. “What kind of sick human beings buy from Ikea more than once?” he fumed. Feeling, admittedly slightly too smug, I picked up the pamphlet. As it turns out, you do in fact need a degree in engineering to piece together this headache disguised as a “deal”.

5 hours, two break ups, and a half a bottle of wine later, the day bed was complete, and we called it’s new owners in to inspect the handiwork. “The white was a good choice,” my fiancé observed, beaming with pride. The irony? The would be resident’s of the bed are color blind.

Yes we did in fact, purchase, and assemble the
bed from hell for our two pit bulls, because the
three dog beds they share have been deemed
unacceptable for nighttime beauty sleep, and
only an actual human bed would quell the cries
of despair coming from outside our bedroom
door. So after two years of sharing a bed with
120 pounds of dog, we caved. That night, they
slept peacefully in their room, like tiny terrorists, bellies full of organic meat I purchased and cooked from Wegman’s. They won the battle, but we’re determined to win the war. Perhaps the greatest irony is that when both these dogs were rescued off the street’s of California, they were eating trash, sleeping in trash, and presumably smelled like trash. (In case you were wondering, they now smell slightly of almond and vanilla.)